Here I am, rising from the long lasting nightmare! seems like I’m sleepwalking, grabbing imaginary things in a place where nothing make sense. I am in the middle of the desert, what I thought to be a mountain with volcanic loving lava, was nothing but a murky swamp. It is indeed a hallucination that my emptiness drawn it in front of me. She was only a fake reflection of my overflowing feelings, as those guilty lying looks gave her away, and like anything forged quickly dissipated from my view. However the emptiness lingered around me in what feels like an eternity, drowning me in my own cenote of emotions.
I can’t deny, I’m in a really dark place right now, and its getting the most out me. I keep thinking of you, that imaginary you that I created. The fact that I don’t know how you look or how you think and what you like and don’t like is killing me. Thinking of an imaginary entity that does not exist is not easy, we never met or talked! I know I can’t define you or else you will stay an imaginary ideal, I want to know you as real person so you can shape yourself in me. I am literally missing my other half. I am trying my best to function optimally without you around me, being just how you would expect in a loving partner. Not in a fake pleasing way, or rather in a way that I’m being myself and acting naturally. That is why I come in peace with my emotions, so I don’t really hide them. Yet I’m so adaptable and always believed its a building process, and that is exactly my biggest dilemma. How can I fully build something when I am missing half of my code libraries? I really hope you exist as a real human in my life, so we get to build our two lives together. I am not desperate, I’m just trying to reach out to you in what it takes to find you. The isolation I’m in is hungering me for validation and a connection.
It is not something recent or new to me, I have always felt like I am wanted by many yet no one is coming near me. I keep myself motivated and my life is well rounded from most aspects, as I enjoy providing, creating and solving issues. Yet it is colourless and tasteless, as there is no one to share with. Living my life as if its a journey, where I am very thankful and blessed for the wonderful times that I have seen so for and looking forward to where my path leads me. I am just hoping that you come around and our paths lead us together. So I get to know how your eyes look, you can’t imagine how much I want to see them. They are a window to your heart <3 a single look can transfer an endless stream of words, where we can talk without even talking. Lighting each others paths letting all the glamour inside of us shine.
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